~GuerrillaPop

So, even though I haven't heard anything from dead friend, I'm convinced he/she isn't dead now...and I don't really know why. There's no evidence, really. But I just have a feeling.

WHICH IS GREAT, BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE DIED.
Jesus Christ, that's like six people in the last eight years for me.
Don't go all 'OH I'M SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS' I really hate that shit. And if I'm not sorry, you're not sorry. And also, it's the reason why I don't pity anyone ELSE who's had someone die...if I can move on from six, they can move on from one. And one of mine killed herself, too. So when they make a big deal out of it, it just pisses me off.

It was this old woman I visit from time to time, because she basically has no one. But she was cool in her way. She had a lot of personality. She was never really healthy, but it still came as a shock, mostly because I was planning on visiting her the day I found her obituary...it would've sucked if I'd actually SHOWN UP at her place only to find it being emptied out.

I'm kind of afraid I'll be in the will.
I reallllyyy don't want to be in the will.

_________

Okay, so that thing about recording with the band is off. Why? Because the member that invited me quit the group. xD But it's okay. I probably wouldn't have been able to make it, anyway.

But I MIGHT get the chance to go on the radio.
I really hope I get it, but there's a good chance I won't get chosen.
BUT I REALLY THINK I HAVE THE POTENTIAL ;A;

Thanks. : D

_______

Short journal entry, and I kind of don't like those, but I don't really have anything else to say. :/

Oh dear.

My 'career' is on the upswing.

First off, my friend J.Lo (don't freak out, it's a dude) has a professional band called Pyramid Eye. Well, he's recording in August. And he needs a bassist. So WHO DOES HE CALL? Hello. :] Literally, called. We're in the SAME ROOM and he calls me on the phone. xD

Speaking of phones, another friend is trying to break hers so her parents will get her a better one. RAZRS DON'T BREAK. She smashed it with a Swiss Army Knife repeatedly and the screen barely cracked! We're working on it, though. I recommended the microwave. We'll see how it goes.

Also, me and a bunch of other people are playing a benefit at the W Hotel. Swanky. 8D And there's a 'rock school prom' theme! I'm wearing a frilly pinstriped dress. With boots. :] Rehearsal is Monday. Wednesday we're making prom decorations. x]

Ahh, LOVE THIS.

________

And just as an update, dead friend isn't dead. He/she went on a trip overseas.

Okay. So there's a person.
I'm being annoying and using the ever-vague he/she pronoun here, bear that in mind...I just don't want people thinking it's them, or people thinking it's someone they know, or someone we know mutually. Because I DO, in fact, know people outside of DeviantART. It's happened before, and I don't want the drama, because it's never true. SO DON'T FREAK OUT PEOPLE. Just respond. Gently.

Anyway, I always hurt him/her pretty bad. And it's been going on for a while. I say some stuff. He/she says some stuff. We hate each other while pretending or at least making an effort to like each other. The relationship is strained and convoluted, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But in the end I'm always the tougher person and get over it easily, while he/she's still fragile as hell and it stings forever.

And I said some hateful stuff about him/her. Anonymously. But I still said it, not expecting him/her to catch wind of it.

Well, a few days ago he/she dropped hints that he/she would or already had committed suicide, but it was so vague I can't be sure - yet still serious-sounding enough to be out of character and therefore worrisome. I haven't heard anything from or about him/her since. But I'm not going to pry into it, because I could be making a big deal out of nothing.

And, if it's true (and maybe it's just my mind running away with me, so nothing's wrong), it's my fault. Because he/she IS really fragile. And I always make it worse, and my last comments could have been the last straw. Because he/she always makes it worse for ME.

I will move on if it's true, because I move on from anything, cold bitch that I am (it's true). And if not, this whole entry is shit.

But dude. Hating him/her and wanting him/her dead are two VERY different things.

We will find out in a few days. Hopefully.

IT WAS AWESOME.

So it's me and two friends. My train ran really late so I ran up tons of flights of stairs, had to accept four dollars in quarters from the ticket machine and hopped two new trains just to get to them. But we found each other okay, and made the train to Berkeley...

We headed to 924 Gilman, which is this great punk club, to see Limp Wrist and some other bands. But, as it turns out, we accidentally showed up an hour early (we spent our extra time eating garlic fries from Pyramid)...but when an employee showed up, we asked to volunteer at the show, and she agreed, so we got in for free! And we did simple things, things we could pay attention to the show while doing. I made tallies and stamped hands, they checked stamps and sold memberships.

The other people actually sitting outside waiting for the show were hella pissed when they just let us in for free. xD

After the show ended (it was good, but some of the opening bands sucked) we went to Walgreens and got cookies and Arizona. As we were walking back to the train station, we met these guys that were also at the show. They were just in from Miami, they said. They had the accent and everything. Plus whiskey. We walked with them for a bit, but halfway through the trip back to San Francisco they got on the wrong train and we don't really know what happened to them.

The trains were really late, and the Sunday schedule is confusing, so we got back pretty late at night, and I'm in pretty deep trouble with my parents now. But it'll blow over eventually - they always do this when I'm out late. But it's not my fault - it's public transit. Always.

________

JUST A NOTE.
A just put two and two together about someone. I put a face to a name to a real name, and now that I've figured out who he is, I've got a sinking feeling...

Not just a kind stranger anymore.
Now it's creepy.